Praise be, ye sinners! This is the most high Rev. Name Withheld, High Abbot of the Temple of the Perpetual Adoration of the Golden Apple, Mother Superior of the Our Mother of Madness Convent, Fellow of the State of Denial University, Most Staunch Defender of the Golden Apple, Preoccupied Philosopher of Their Own Sublime Style, Master of the Five Golden Secrets for Business and Pleasure, Proclaimer of the Gilded Word of The Lady of Chaos, and General Numbskull, broadcasting LIVE from the Shrine to the Perpetual Glory of the Golden Apple of Eris, here to proclaim the WORD of our Goddess!
For SHE is the one and only true goddess, for she is the only goddess who acknowledges she does not exist! Come and attend our services in the Shrine, participate in our charitable works, DIG in our fucking HOLE! Yeee! Yip! Yip! I'm rip-snorting and raring to go! YEEEEEEEEE!